My forever sister, Ginger Dee Clinton

I only became a part of the blogging world like a week ago because I finally have the Internet at home, and now I have reached the daunting task of having to write about my sister, Ginger. I have so many things I could say, but at the same time I can't really find the words to express what I really feel, but I have to try.
It's been a little over 2 months since that Sunday (just 3 days after we arrived in Virginia) that I got the call from my brother, Rod, giving me the news that Ginger passed away in her sleep that morning. Due to a rare heart condition, her heart kind of hiccuped and then stopped; she was only 31 years old, still so young and healthy and vibrant. Sorrow and pain have never come so intensely in my life, but my family has also been flooded with blessings of comfort and tender mercies from our loving Heavenly Father.
I've known all along that I needed to just sit down and write all of my thoughts... the sadness I've felt, the joy I have, and my memories of my wonderful sister, Ginger.

Ginger is 4 years older than I am, with Amber between us in our family. I can remember Ginger being one to help me learn how to ride a bike when I was little. She also taught me (and our other little siblings) how to do a backflip on the trampoline, which shows she had a lot of patience... and skill. She would "spot" us and swing our legs up so that we didn't break our necks. We'd sleep on the trampoline on warm summer nights looking at all of the stars, trying to find constellations, and talking until late. Ginger loved to give me "dead arms and legs," an important trait that we all kind of learned in the family; she knew right where to hit me to make a bump immediately arise and then dissappear after a few seconds. It hurt really bad, but most of time we would just laugh about it. She also loved to come up behind us when our knees were locked and use her knees to make ours collapse. I remember Ginger reading a lot, which was probably partially why she was so smart and interesting to talk to. She mastered the art of sunflower seeds... and the rubik's cube. :) We had a lot of fun growing up; we played Mormon Bridge to the music of The Carpenters... doing funny dances Ginger would come up to go with the music. We went out to our favorite little Mexican restaurant, Lalo's, a lot.

I remember always being so proud that Ginger was my sister. We were in a K-8 school, and when she was in 8th grade, she was president of the school, captain of the cheerleading squad, Alice in the big production of Alice in Wonderland, and even knew how to do her hair with huge bangs the stylish way it was to do it. Everyone loved her; she had this fun, confident, and friendly personality. I loved being around her; I looked up to her a lot. She didn't mind when I would tag-along; she always made me feel welcome and loved.

I remember that when she went into high school, it seemed like she lost a lot of her "popularness;" while most of her friends from earlier years changed and got into the wrong crowd, Ginger clung to new friends (like Melinda Barlow) who had the same high standards she did. She knew who she was and I know people really respected her for her values. I am so thankful for Ginger's example of sticking with doing what was right rather than what would have kept her in the "cool" crowd.

Ginger was a fast driver (another Z-girl trait we learned from Mom)... dangerous, but somehow in control (I don't think Ginger ever got in an accident, but I know she had a few speeding tickets). She was always fun to go places with, listening and singing along to fun (and loud) music; I remember one time I was freezing cold in her car, so she said, "Let's have a freeze-out!" (apparently something she just made up right on the spot) So she rolled down the windows (and it was cold outside) and she turned on the A/C. I remember we were FREEZING, but laughing and laughing. She liked it so much that when it was hot outside, she would do "Burn-outs!"...windows up, heater on full blast. We would be melting... but it was fun.

One of my favorite memories with Ginger was when she was in college and I was in high school. She told me about this new policy they had going on over at Albertson's (grocery store) called "Fresh or Free." If you found something out of date, you got a fresh one free! She had tried it a couple of times with one item and it worked, so she was ready to get a shopping cart full. ...So Ginger and I decided to go one day and look and search for whatever we could find that was out of date... I know we only found a few things, but I can only remember the carrot juice (which I was definitely not thrilled about... but it was free!), so we took it all up (the expired items and their fresh counterpart) to the Customer Service desk. I felt kind of silly, but Ginger was full confidence. Of course it had to be the store manager who helped us and made us feel sooooo ashamed for what we were doing. He told us how we were making people lose their Christmas bonuses because we were finding things out of date in their sections. I was soooo embarrassed, and I knew Ginger was kind of too, but she just kind of smiled and shrugged like, "well, that's the policy" (I think Ginge knew he was just trying to scare us). He apparently could tell that Ginger (and I... of course) were holding our ground, so he told us that he was going to put us in their next Albertson's newsletter thingy with our picture in it and call us the "Fresh or Free bandits." We both laughed and then he went and got a camera... and he took a picture of us (we were both beet red and cracking up). We left with our free stuff in hand... and laughing (with embarassment). That was the definitly the end of our "fresh or free" career.

During her college years, Ginger often included me in things she did... babysitting, shopping, hanging out with friends, etc, etc. We always had a lot of fun. I remember a lot of boys liked her; how could they not? She was cute, fun, down to earth, and super nice. She dated a lot of guys, but was never the "player" kind.

I can remember Ginger coming home from one of her classes at Moorpark College and telling me all about this cute (she probably said "hottie") guy who had gotten up in class (they all had to) and shared about himself and how he really valued honesty... that he was an honest person. Ginger was very impressed with him, and his good looks helped, too. After discovering that he was one of my dad's patients and a member of the Church, they became friends and started dating. I always loved Jason for Ginger; they went so well together and were always laughing and having a great time together. It was always evident how much Jason loved Ginger and wanted to marry her; he was not going to let her get away! Ginger's love for him was also an integral part of who she was. In their marriage they were the best of friends and treated each other so well. My sister, Wendy, lived with them for a summer and said that never once did she hear or see anything but love and respect toward each other. Just a few days before Ginger passed away, Jason and Ginger spent a day serving in the temple; so wonderful that one of their last days together on the earth was spent there.

About 6 months before Ginger passed away, Jason was laid off from his job. Ginger encouraged him to not worry about getting a new job for a little while... to just have some fun family time together for a while, which they did all that time before she passed away... a wonderful tender mercy from Heavenly Father.

Jason has been amazing through all of this; I can't possibly comprehend what he's going through right now, but he is a strong man; Wendy, my sister, who is helping out Jason and the kids right now (another tender mercy), says that he is such a good father... that even though it's hard, he never takes it out on the kids and is very understanding of what they must be going through right now. He's amazing. I know Ginger is cheering for him every step of the way, and it's going to be a glorious reunion when they're together again.

They built a beautiful family together... with Erin (just turned 8), Jenna (6), Brady(3), and Holly (1). Ginger was an amazing mother... always playing with her kids and interested in what they were doing, letting them explore things and learn, instilling in them independence and a love for life and people. She was so good at explaining things to them and encouraging their curiosity, and most importantly, she taught them the gospel of Jesus Christ. Her children have handled her death amazingly well, because they have firm testimonies of the Plan of Salvation and know that this separation is only temporary; what a blessing that she taught them so well something they would have to be tested in so young and so directly. The night before Ginger died, she passed up the opportunity to go out and get a babysitter for her kids. Instead she stayed home, gave her children baths and tucked them into bed, answering Erin's questions about what Heaven is like... "the most beautiful and wonderful place you could ever imagine, etc." She loved and adored her children, and she created so many happy memories for them... and they loved her.
Going through some things after her passing, we came upon this message to her daughters... a note in case an emergency were to happen while they were at school. So beautiful.

When I became a new mother, I would often call Ginger with questions or concerns about motherhood life and she was always soooo refreshing to talk to, because she was so understanding and real. She didn't make herself out to be this "perfect mom" with all the answers, but she would share things with me that made me feel so validated and normal. She wouldn't hide her struggles or shortcomings as a mother... rather, she'd tell me about things candidly and laugh at herself. She cared about things a lot, but also had a knack for being able to be carefree at the right times and just let things go.

Ginger always made me feel loved and special... she made everyone feel that way. A couple of days before mine and Clint's wedding, she treated me to a pedicure; she didn't get one herself--she just sat, smiled (I'm sure because she felt bad for the lady doing it), and watched my feet get chizzled and sanded down to near perfection... just kidding, that's not really possible with my feet. And when I was expecting our first baby, she took me on a "maternity shopping spree;" it made me feel so good that it was important to her that I felt comfortable and good about myself while I was big and prego. She was always so generous; it seemed like every time I came in town, she would give me some new cute kid clothes or shoes she bought when she was shopping for her kids... so thoughtful and kind. I love putting those cute clothes on my kids, especially now, and I always tell them, "Aunt Ginger gave you this."

When something new or exciting or difficult was going on in my life, Ginger not only knew about it and supported me in it, but she cared about all the little details about it and would somehow remember them all... and she actively did things to show her support and love for me. One of the first things that came to my mind when she passed away was, "who is going to be my personal cheerleader now?...everyone's personal cheerleader?" She was always there for important things and always genuinely interested. She was an incredible listener with a talent for understanding and unconditional love. The wonderful thing is I still feel like she's my personal cheerleader... even way out here in Virginia. Often I get excited about something and think, I want to call Ginge and tell her about it. Then I remember that I can't, but I know she's still very much a part of our lives... and she's doing great things on the other side of the veil that only she can do; I know her joy is full, and that she wants ours to be as well... just like she always did.

It is so hard being separated from Ginger right now, but I know it was her time to go. It was such a blessing that all of our family were able to be together so much this last year... Grammie's funeral, Girl's Weekend, the Beach house reunion, Amber's wedding, Paige's baby blessing, etc; we've had an especially full year together, and that has brought a lot of comfort to all of us. I miss her tremendously and I ache for her Jason and her dear children, but what a blessing it is to know that families can be together forever. Ginger lived a beautiful and exemplary life, so the greatest blessings of Heaven are hers; what a comfort! I know that Heavenly Father loves us, and that He knows what is best for all of us. I also know that our sorrow is also His sorrow, but He looks forward to blessing us if we just trust Him.

A couple of weeks after Ginger passed away, I had a dream that I was following Ginger up the circular staircase in my parent's home. Ginger was talking to me just like she normally would, and all I could think was, "Ginger's right here; I have to give her a hug while I have the chance!" But I wondered if I would be able to hug her since she was only a spirit now, but I had to at least try, so when Ginge and I got to the top of the stairs, I stopped her and said, "Ginge, can I give you a hug?" Of course she said, "yes," and we hugged just like we did while she was living, and I could feel her. It was one of her normal long and tight squeezes; I told her that I loved her and thanked her for being such a wonderful sister. I can't remember anything after that, but I woke up that morning feeling so happy and at peace with everything; it was so comforting and healing.
Ginger was more than I could ask for in a sister; I love her and am forever changed by her love and goodness.

I love you, Ginge! You're amazing, and I look forward to basking in your beautiful presence again!

You can visit Ginger and Jason's blog... http://jasondgingerd.blogspot.com/. She updated her blog a bunch just a couple of days before she passed away; her last post was titled, "happiness."

I've been tagged!

Times Out on catching my blog up to real time. My sister-in-law, Natalie, tagged me, and she says she expects a lot from people so I can't let her down! Thanks for the fun, Nat!

Three joys
1. My family (ALL of them)
2. The gospel of Jesus Christ
3. Friends

Three fears
1. Not raising my children right
2. Sending Kaden to school in a couple of years
3. People with bad intentions toward my children

Three goals
1. To be more patient with my children
2. To go to bed before 10pm
3. To start running again

Three of my current obsessions
1. Keeping my family and home running smoothly
2. Blogging
3. Food storage

Three regrets
1. Not telling my sister, Ginger, more how much I loved her and admired her (she knew I did, but I still wish I'd told her more)
2. Losing patience with my children
3. Fighting with my sister, Brandi, all the time when we were young!

Three facts about me
1. I think Clint is an amazing husband and father; he has a LOT on his plate and still manages to be so good to me and our children. I love you, Clint!
2. I am a very emotional person; I cry at the drop of a hat. (I thought of that one because I was getting emotional just typing #1 on this list.)
3. My children are, by far, my greatest challenges in life and also my greatest greatest joys!

I tag Helen, Kate, and Emily!

Heading to "Virginia's house."

For months we'd been telling Kaden we were going to be moving to a new home in Virginia, so for months, Kaden had been asking us, "When can we go to Virginia's house??" He would even sometimes tell me all about how nice she was and everything. So, the day after Paige's blessing, we loaded up, said goodbye to Clint's family and Uncle Jim and Carolee and headed out to Virginia's house.

Clint and I had been super nervous about the trip with our three little ones, but our worry proved to be in vain. They were awesome on the trip! It took us four days and three nights (in hotels) to drive through California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, and into Virginia. We drove an average of 10 hours a day, stopping about every 2-3 hours so I could feed Paige; it worked out well, because then Clint could let Kaden and Lindy out to run around for a little bit and get some wiggles out. Plus, we had plenty of junk food, Uncle Jim's special "candy stash," toys from Mom and Dad Kellogg, and lots of movies on our DVD player (Thank you Sors!) to keep them entertained; I felt like running a marathon (C-section and all!) after sitting in the car for so long and eating so much junk.

There were a few highlights on the trip. One of our stops was at a huge park/playground in Albuquerque, New Mexico; Clint had spotted it from the freeway. It was a lot of fun for the kiddies.

One morning around 4am (we left the hotels really early every morning to get a headstart on the day), driving through Oklahoma, we got caught in a really really bad thunder and lightning storm. It was raining soooo hard (the hardest I'd ever seen); we could not even see the road, and when a semi would pass us we would practically get washed off the road. (I am a scaredy-cat driving in rain... I think it's because I wear flip flops all the time, even when it's raining, and then I'm slipping and sliding all over the place-- so why shouldn't a car be slipping and sliding all over the place? Great logic, right?) Thank goodness I thought of using the excuse to feed Paige at that time, so we pulled off into a dark abyss (you know, the kind of highway turn-offs you'd see in a murder mystery movie) with a few bigrigs (freaky!). It gets better; we'd been watching the craziest lightning storm ever and then a bolt flashed and completely blinded us and thunder immediately followed-- I'm pretty sure we got hit by that one... Or at least it felt like it was super close. I was thankful to be in a car! I'll admit it was pretty exciting, but I was glad when the rain finally calmed down a little and we were off again.

This was obviously after it cleared up; I loved the beautiful rays of sun peeking through the clouds. This picture doesn't do it justice though.

Getting out to stretch in the morning.

One of the reasons I didn't fly out to Virginia with the kids (other than the fact that it would have been one crazy flight!), was because I really wanted to see what was in between CA and Virginia. Most of it was beautiful! It just got more and more lush and green and treey (my word for lots of trees) the further east we got. And I fell in love with the accents of people we encountered; Arkansas was the best, except we couldn't understand a lick of wha people was sayin'! It was pretty funny. Clint and I would just kind of smile at each other and nod our heads hoping the other understood what people were saying to us.

We finally made it to Virginia's house! Kaden was so excited, but kept asking where she was. :) We went directly to our friends, Wayne and Crystal's home to stay there until we found our own place. I can honestly say I really enjoyed the drive... don't really want to do it all again, but it was neat to do it one time.

Blessing day for Paige...

I had two weeks to heal from my C-section before we moved to Virginia... Clint would be starting medical school in August and we needed to get settled! Clint, along with his mom and dad and sisters, Kammy, Kate, Kaylee, Kelsee, and Corianne) who lived next door to us (how convenient and wonderful!) helped us out a TON; they completely took care of Kaden and Lindy so I could rest, rest, rest; I was able to heal and get back to preparing for our move pretty quickly; what a blessing!

We wanted to bless Paige there in Fresno, CA, because we could have family there with us... which proved to be a HUGE blessing. We had a lot of family there, including Clint's parents and sisters, Herb and Kelly, Uncle Jim and Carolee, Dean and Tiana, and Megan and Adam. From my side, my mom and dad from Moorpark, Trevor and Natalie from Bakersfield, Heidi and Don (down in CA from Seattle for a month- such perfect timing!), and my sisters, Kate and Ginger from Moorpark. I was so grateful they made that special effort to come for Paige's blessing; it was a special day also because we would be leaving the next morning to start our journey toward Virginia and the last time we'd see family for a long time... or so we thought.

I love this picture of our family; you can't tell, but it was taking Mom a while to get a good picture of the kids, and Clint's arms were starting to burn holding both Kaden and Lindy! :)
Hmmm... can you tell what my favorite shirt is? (I'm only wearing it in pretty much every picture.) It's actually Ginger's... it's a maternity shirt and a great "shrinking back down" shirt. Paige is now almost 3 months old and I still wear it! :)

Clint gave Paige a beautiful blessing, and then Yvonne and Andy Rahn, who are very good friends of our family, hosted a luncheon for all of us at their home; it was so kind and generous of them. I had been reluctant at first to let them to do it, because they were just barely moving back to Fresno and we would have a large group, but Yvonne insisted on having it and providing most of the food. What a sweetheart! There was a lot of delicious food and it was so nice to have a few hours to just enjoy being together.

We love our children's grandparents! Thank you Mom and Dad K. and Mom and Dad Z. for being there and for the help with the luncheon! We love you and miss you!

The dress Paige is wearing is also from Ginger, which makes it all the more special. She let Lindy and Paige both use it for their blessings; so sweet. After Ginger passed away, her husband asked us sisters to go through some of Ginger's things and clothes and take what we wanted to have of hers; one of the things I am fortunate to have is the dress Ginger is wearing in this picture (Ginger is on the very left in the black and white dress, by the way); I love it because it was hers and she wore it that last time I saw her for our Paige's special day; I love being able to wear it now and feel that much closer to Ginger.

Picture time with Andy and Yvonne. They sent us off to Virginia with a lot of furniture and their twin girl's beds and clothes--such a big help. Thank you Andy and Yvonne for the wonderful luncheon and all!


I cried a little when it was time to say goodbye, knowing that Clint and I were about to embark on a huge adventure in our lives and knowing that we'd be sooooo far away from our family (of course we were so excited, too). My sisters, Kate, Heidi, Ginger, and Natalie (and Yvonne!) got emotional with me, which I can always count on them to! Thanks girls! We gave extra long and tight hugs, which I was so grateful for; it was the last time I was able to be with Ginger before she passed away the very next Sunday; I can still feel the tightness and love from her hug. She also took some time to hold our sweet Paige; what a blessing.

This little collage is actually taken from Ginger's blog; it was on one of her last posts. I love the picture of her holding Paige. Ryan Jane and Ali are so cute, too, holding our little Paige. Paige was literally passed and passed around from niece to niece; sometimes there was even a little tension on whose turn it was to hold her. :) Paige's cousin, Gillian, made Paige a beautiful little pink bracelet with Yvonne's beading kit. Thanks Gilli!

I sure wish I had a picture of Clint's sisters; does anyone have one?

We love you, Paige. We're so happy you're a part of our eternal family.

Amber's a Bride!!

One of the happiest days of my life was my sister, Amber's, wedding day... but it was also a little sad for me. I wasn't able to be there for Sam and Amber's sealing in the Los Angeles Temple, because I was in the hospital with Paige (which of course I wouldn't trade for anything); she was born the day before they got married. It was something that I'd known I was going to miss for a while and every time I would think about how I wouldn't be there for her special day I would feel so sad and usually cry a little. But how could I not be soooo excited for Amber? She had waited a long time for this day... and so had I! Ambs and I would always talk about her dating prospects through the years, and she told me all about the rollercoaster she and Sam had been on. I was so happy for her when they were finally engaged! Sam is such a great guy; we love him for Amber!
Just a few days before Paige's birth and Amber's wedding, my mom and I were talking on the phone and she said, "Are you coming to Amber's bridal shower tonight?" (we lived 3 1/2 hours away) No, I wasn't. But why not? Clint was free and I was just waiting for this baby to come, so we talked about it and a couple of hours later we were on the road! I was sooo excited; I had thought I wasn't going to be able to be a part of Amber's wedding at all, but now I could at least be there at her shower and with most of my sisters! We had a great time, and Amber looked beautiful and ready to get married!!

Our gift to Amber and Sam... thanks to Dad Kellogg for the help!

Sam and Amber Lasley!!

Wow! Absolutely gorgeous!

Family and a few friends on L.A. Temple steps

I love this picture even though I'm not in it. It's all the people I love the most (besides Clint and our kids, of course... and my in-laws whom I consider brothers and sisters just as much!)

This picture just makes me want to cry; my mom and my sisters are my best friends; after losing Ginger, my love for each one of them has deepened and grown. I am so thankful that Ginger was able to be there for Amber's wedding day; what a sweet blessing. On a little lighter note, Mom, you look like you could be one of my beautiful sisters!!

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! We wish we could have been there. I talked to a few of my family members on Amber and Sam's big day (can't remember which ones; I think I had too much painkiller flowing through me), and they all said everything was going great! The sealing was performed by Grant Brimhall, a wonderful man and friend of our family... how neat.

I am so happy for you, Amber and Sam! We love you! Welcome to the fam, Sam!!

A little background...

Okay, so let me start 3 months ago... Our little Paige Emily was born on June 27th... via C-section as all of mine are. She was 6 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long... and as sweet as can be. She is an angel baby... really; I guess she'd have to be with a brother and a sister who are not much older than she is. I'm sure Heavenly Father knew I would need an easy one this time around... with a move across the country and especially with my sister, Ginger's passing away; she has a been a huge source of comfort to me to be able to just hold her and love her. Paige loves her brother Kaden (3 1/2); she always starts smiling when he comes around, and he adores her and always says, "I love you, Paige." and "She's so cute, Mom." Paige loves Lindy (2) too, but she does tense up a little when she comes around. We're still trying to teach Lindy the meaning of the words "gentle" and "soft;" Paige is already pretty tough from constantly getting lots of love from her siblings. We're all in love with her... our "sweety Paigey girl."

Ready, set, blog!

Yay! We're up and running... just not very fast yet. I'm excited to finally be a part of the blogging world; it'll be nice to see what is going on in my family and friend's lives... AND, of course, to keep a record of what is going on right here at our home!